Two lawyers entered the bar. They ordered drinks, then pulled sandwiches out of their briefcases and began eating. The owner appeared immediately. “I’m sorry, gentlemen, but you can’t eat your sandwiches here.” The lawyers shrugged and swapped sandwiches.
Mother-in-law to son-in-law:I see that you tell fairy tales to my grandson every evening. That’s very good. I just don’t understand why each of them ends the same way: “And they lived happily ever after, because that woman was an orphan”?
A plane full of crazy people is in the air. One guy goes in to the cockpit and asks the pilot to teach him how to fly. The pilot says if you can get everyone back there quite I will teach you. A few minutes later the guy comes back […]
A mother invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?” “I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied. “Just say what you hear mommy say,” the woman answered. The daughter bowed her head and […]
Mother took Willie to his first concert. The conductor was leading the orchestra and directing the soprano soloist as well. Willie was greatly interested. “Mother, why is that man shaking his stick at the lady?” he asked. “Hush; he is not shaking his stick at her.” “Then what is she […]
A high school girl, seated next to a famous astronomer at a dinner party, struck up a conversation with him by asking, “What do you do in life?” He replied, “I study astronomy.” “Dear me,” said the girl. “I finished astronomy last year.”
How did the police catch the naked man breaking into Zales? They grabbed him by the jewels.
The owner asks the clerk, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?” The clerk says, “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative.” The owner replies, “You idiot! […]
In the doctor’s office, the nurse asks the man: “How old are you?” “Almost 84. ” “I wouldn’t give you… “But I wouldn’t even dare ask.”
A mailman is making his route. On his last day before retirement, he gets to one of the last houses when the lady of the house answers the door in a slinky negligee and says, “Today is your last day, isn’t it? Come with me; I have a surprise for […]
