A gushing young lady embarrassed Edison at a reception by her outspoken admiration. “You will go down in history, Mr. Edison, as the inventor of the first talking machine,” she repeated for the tenth time. “Indeed, no, madam,” replied Edison, “I am not the pioneer in the field. The first […]
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.The bartender looks at him and says, “What’ll it be buddy?” The man says, “Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles.” The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, […]
There was a man that worked in a shop but only knew three sentences. The first one was only $2.50 the second one was maybe yes maybe no the third one was if you don’t someone else will. So a man came in to buy some milk and asked how […]
A doctor from the inner city was conversing with an old friend from med school at a cafe when he said, “Man, can I tell you something?” His friend nods. “Sure.”“Okay, so the other day I had this one really hot, foreign patient, and I haven’t been able to stop […]
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands. The girl […]
A beautiful woman in her thirties was passing through customs in London, when the customs official asks her what the reason for her trip to London was. Business or pleasure, he asks? Sadness and pleasure! She says to the officer!Why?Well, my 75 years old husband has just died and I […]
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. Wife: ‘What are you doing dear?’ Husband: ‘Swatting flies – I got 3 males and 2 females’ Wife: ‘How on earth do you know which gender they were?’ Husband: ‘Easy – 3 were […]
A couples happy married life almost went on the rocks because… … of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma. For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding. Finally, the old girl passed away. On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed […]
A young man knocks on a couples door late one evening. It’s cold, it’s wet, the husband opens the door, most displeased about being disturbed so late. The young man asks “could you give us a push?” The husband replies “it’s 3am, it’s – 2 outside, push yourself” and slams […]
My son got me with the oldest one in the book and I’m so proud. My little guy is 3 and a half and normally his grandpa does childcare for us 3 days a week while I work from home. My dad wasn’t feeling well so I told him to […]
