A man had been drinking at a bar all night and pukes down the front of his shirt. “Shit I can’t go home like this my wife will kill me” The bartender sees this and says “put a $20 bill in you pocket and when she sees the puke tell […]
Tom and Sarah had been married for over 20 years, and Tom was notorious for forgetting anniversaries. Every year, Sarah would drop subtle hints about their upcoming anniversary, but Tom always managed to overlook them. One year, Sarah decided she had had enough. She told Tom, “If you forget our […]
A newlywed couple moves into their new home. The husband, trying to impress his wife, tells her, “Honey, I’ll cook us a special dinner tonight!” He grabs the cookbook and starts flipping through the pages, looking for the perfect recipe. Suddenly, he exclaims, “Ah-ha! Here it is! The recipe for […]
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.” Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”“No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I […]
One day, a man bought a lie detecting robot that would slap anyone who lies. He’s sitting in his living room when his son walks in the front door. The Dad asks, “Where ya been, son?” Son: “I went to watch the new kung fu panda movie.” SLAP! Dad:”Son, the […]
Two rabbis invite a priest to go fishing with them. They get to the middle of the lake and have a wonderful time. Soon Rabbi Isaac decided to switch to lures, but he’s left his box in the truck. He simply gets out of the boat and walks across the […]
A couple take in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn’t have a bath but if she wanted to she could use a tin bath in front of the fire……. “Monday’s the best […]
On a fine valentines night A married woman cheats on her husband of 9 years and is about to get caught by her husband and she prays to God for her not to get caught Miraculously a genie appears and grants her the wish but tells her you will die […]
Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, “Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.” Donnie says, “OK, […]
A long time ago a boy was born with a hair-lip and the doctor said he was odd. His parents were struggling to come up with a name and remembered what the doctor said, so they wrote down Odd. The clerk shared his name with the nurses and they all […]