Two friends are walking in a natural park. At some point, they see a very rare and beautiful squirrel. “Should we take it with us?” Says one of the two. “Yes, but hide it in your underpants in case we meet a ranger.” So the guy puts the squirrel in […]
A daughter takes her old father in a wheelchair to a retirement home for the first time. The nurse, expecting their arrival, greets them with, “Welcome to the Johnson family retirement home! We think you’ll feel quite at home here! Please follow me and I’ll show you around.” The nurse […]
A Wife Comes Home Late One Night And Quietly Opens The Door To Her Bedroom. From Under The Blanket, She Sees Four Legs Instead Of Just Her Husband’s Two. Sh e Reaches For A Baseball Bat And Starts Hitting The Blanket As Hard As She Can. Once She’s Done, She […]
Three Guys Go To A Ski Lodge, And There Aren’t Enough Rooms, So They Have To Share A Bed. In The Middle Of The Night, The Guy On The Right Wakes Up And Says, “I Had This Wild, Vivid Dream Of Getting A Hand Job!” The Guy On The Left […]
A Woman Places An Ad In The Local Newspaper. “Looking For A Man With Three Qualifications: Won’t Beat Me Up, Won’t Run Away From Me, And Is Great In Bed.” Two Days Later Her Doorbell Rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I Have No Arms So I Won’t Beat You, And No […]
Bartender: “What’s The Matter Buddy?” Man: “I Caught My Wife In Bed With My Best Friend.” Bartender: “What Did You Do?” Man: “I Told Her To Get The Hell Out!” Bartender: “What About Your Friend?” Man: “I Looked Him Straight In The Eyes And Said ‘Bad Dog!’”
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You […]
A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the First house of the street. A tall lady answered the door. Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet. […]
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, “Mary. Mary.” “Is […]
The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a […]
