A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.” Now […]
One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says “Oh just a beer”. The bartender asked the man “Whats wrong,why are you so down today?”. The man said “My wife and i got into a fight,and she said […]
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s 3 AM. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time”, he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to […]
My wife came in the bathroom as I was getting dressed after my morning shower. I put my underwear on and pulled them up. Then I put my pants on and pulled them up and told her I had to park the old guy in the right spot. Now my […]
I was doing tourist stuff in New Orleans one summer and had gone down to the waterfront. I was sitting on a bench looking out at the water when a guy came up to me and offered me a bet. He said, “I bet you $5 I can tell you […]
So this blonde goes to the Doctor for a checkup so doc starts asking her: Age? She starts counting using her fingers, says 22 ! Height? She sees a measuring type of about 5 meters, takes it barely gets to measuring and says 1.75 Then the Doc says, ok could […]
A man pulls into a motel late at night He goes to the office and the clerk asks, “what can I do for you?” The man says, “well, I just got married and we’d like a room by the lake.” “Oh, well congratulations,” the clerk said. “I’ll give you a […]
A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine… He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post. “Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope.” The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer […]
A new doctor is being shown around a Scottish hospital As they enter one ward, the nearest patient turns to him and says “Fair fa’ your honest sonsie face, great chieftain o’ the pudden race!” Before the doctor can react, the patient in the next bed adds “Wee sleekit cowerin’ […]
A politician diesSo a politician dies and ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name. “So, you’re a politician…” “Well, yes, is that a problem?” “Oh no, no problem. But we’ve recently adopted […]
