Two buds sitting at the bar; the first looks at his watch and says “SHIT! She is going to read me the riot act for getting home this late, and half in the bag to bott.” The other guy says “Dude; you’re doing it all wrong. When I get home […]
A guy is at the pub drinking
A guy is at the pub drinking. At the end of the night he decides to go home but when he tries to get off the stool he falls and faceplants on the floor. He tries to pull himself up but just can’t. “Geez I haven’t been this drunk in […]
A young man asked an old rich man
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire […]
A wife woke up in the middle of the night
A wife woke up in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house, and heard sobbing from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found her husband curled up into a […]
The husband had been slipping
The husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet the wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came back to his senses, he motioned for her to come nearer.As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been […]
A man brings his best buddy
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in. “My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I’m still in my pajamas […]
A woman announces to her friend
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time. “How wonderful! But I hope you don’t mind me asking what happened to your first husband?” “He ate poisonous mushrooms and died.” “Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?” “He ate poisonous mushrooms, too, […]
The lab called with your test results
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What’s the very […]
A woman visited a Doctor
A woman visited a Doctor. Woman: Doctor, I have a problem. I am… Doctor: I know your problem. You always dream that you have become a horse, right? Woman: How do you know?! Doctor: Your pony tail hair style.
A journalist asks the Doctor
In a “Mental Hospital” a journalist asks the Doctor: “How do you determine whether to admit a mental patient or not?” Doctor: “Well..we’d fill a bathtub with water & then give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the bathtub.” Journalist: “Oh, […]