A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he says. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as […]
A young monk arrives at the monastery.He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript so the new monk goes to the […]
A guy sees a sign in front of a house that says “Talking Dog: $10: He walks up to the gate, and there’s a beautiful labrador retriever in the front yard. “Hello, how are you?” says the dog. “Oh my goodness. You really can talk!” “Yep, sure can,” says the […]
A family of four decides city life doesn’t suit their style anymore So they sell their house in the suburbs and buy a dairy-cow ranch. After a week or so, the dad and 2 sons are out mending the fences, when their neighbor comes driving up the road and stops […]
Three men are out on the golf course. The first tees off and slices the ball straight into the water hazard. The second man is like, “Oof, tough luck, Moses!” Moses replies, “No worries.” He walks over, waves his driver at the water, and it parts. He finds his ball […]
My neighbors wife is better than mine! I’ve always felt an irresistible attraction for the neighbour next door. One day, when speaking to her husband, he said: “I need to have my apartment painted, but I work all day and I get tired. I tried to hire a professional painter […]
A lawyer is standing in line at the bank, but the line is taking forever. Suddenly, the person behind him starts rubbing his shoulders. “Dude what the hell! Don’t touch me!” The lawyer swats his hands off. “Sorry,” the man behind him says. “Sometimes in lines I get bored. I’m […]
A judge calls opposing council into his chambers . . . . . . and says “Gentlemen, I’ve called you here to discuss a very serious matter. Both of you have given me bribes to influence my decision”. The lawyers begin to squirm in their seats. “Mr. Morgenstern, you have […]
A nurse walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Are you coming to our big Halloween party?” the bartender asks. “Yes, I’ve already planned my costume. I’m going to come as a horrible monster made entirely out of blood,” the nurse says. “I’m going to be a hemogoblin.”
A man walks into a bar, ends up getting into a horrible bar fight and is lying on the floor injured. “Don’t worry,” says the bartender, a Red Cross nurse is in the building and is coming to help you.’ “Oh no,” groans the victim, “couldn’t I have a blonde, […]
