A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my tour is almost over, […]
A gushing young lady embarrassed Edison at a reception by her outspoken admiration. “You will go down in history, Mr. Edison, as the inventor of the first talking machine,” she repeated for the tenth time. “Indeed, no, madam,” replied Edison, “I am not the pioneer in the field. The first […]
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one […]
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, “Hey, if your dog […]
An old man calls his son and says, “Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough.” “Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. “I’m sick of her face, and I’m […]
A coroners assistant was going over thier very first body and noticed that there was a rather large cork in the anus. So that assistant gave a tug and the cork popped out. To the assistant’s suprise, they started hearing something…”On the road again, i just can’t wait to be…..” […]
A man walks into a bar and asks for a vodka and orange juice… The bartender says, Sure thing, turns around and mixes his drink, and sets a human skull shaped into a mug in front of him. The man says, WTF! I just wanted vodka and orange juice! The […]
A lady is walking down the street and sees a parrot in the window of a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work. The next […]
Two buds sitting at the bar; the first looks at his watch and says “SHIT! She is going to read me the riot act for getting home this late, and half in the bag to bott.” The other guy says “Dude; you’re doing it all wrong. When I get home […]
A guy is at the pub drinking. At the end of the night he decides to go home but when he tries to get off the stool he falls and faceplants on the floor. He tries to pull himself up but just can’t. “Geez I haven’t been this drunk in […]
