A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my tour is almost over, […]
The young waitress went to the Head Waiter and said, “I’m not going to serve that cheeky devil over there.” “Why not?” “Well, he asked for French salad and when I said ‘What’s that?’ he said, ‘It’s the same as any other salad, only you serve it without dressing.’”
A gushing young lady embarrassed Edison at a reception by her outspoken admiration. “You will go down in history, Mr. Edison, as the inventor of the first talking machine,” she repeated for the tenth time. “Indeed, no, madam,” replied Edison, “I am not the pioneer in the field. The first […]
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one […]
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, “Hey, if your dog […]
A coroners assistant was going over thier very first body and noticed that there was a rather large cork in the anus. So that assistant gave a tug and the cork popped out. To the assistant’s suprise, they started hearing something…”On the road again, i just can’t wait to be…..” […]
A man walks into a bar and asks for a vodka and orange juice… The bartender says, Sure thing, turns around and mixes his drink, and sets a human skull shaped into a mug in front of him. The man says, WTF! I just wanted vodka and orange juice! The […]
A man walks into a bar with an octopus He says “A hundred bucks says my octopus can play any instrument you give it!” One man hands him an acoustic guitar. The octopus fiddles with the strings a bit, then strums out a rendition of Wonderwall. A woman from the […]
A lady is walking down the street and sees a parrot in the window of a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work. The next […]
Little Johnny is sitting in class, the teacher is going over vocabulary words. She asks the class to use a word in a sentence. The teacher says the word is “contagious”. Little Johnny is waving his arm up and down, no other students have their arm up. The teacher figures […]
