A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he says. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as […]
A young monk arrives at the monastery.He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript so the new monk goes to the […]
A guy sees a sign in front of a house that says “Talking Dog: $10: He walks up to the gate, and there’s a beautiful labrador retriever in the front yard. “Hello, how are you?” says the dog. “Oh my goodness. You really can talk!” “Yep, sure can,” says the […]
A family of four decides city life doesn’t suit their style anymore So they sell their house in the suburbs and buy a dairy-cow ranch. After a week or so, the dad and 2 sons are out mending the fences, when their neighbor comes driving up the road and stops […]
A police officer spots a car parked in a popular make-out spot late one night, and decides to investigate. He sees a young man behind the wheel reading a newspaper and a young woman in the passenger seat knitting. This is a puzzling sight, so he decides to find out […]
Three men are out on the golf course. The first tees off and slices the ball straight into the water hazard. The second man is like, “Oof, tough luck, Moses!” Moses replies, “No worries.” He walks over, waves his driver at the water, and it parts. He finds his ball […]
My neighbors wife is better than mine! I’ve always felt an irresistible attraction for the neighbour next door. One day, when speaking to her husband, he said: “I need to have my apartment painted, but I work all day and I get tired. I tried to hire a professional painter […]
A blonde fills a stadium with 90,000 people to prove blondes are smart She fills up the stadium with 90,000 blondes, TV crew, News crews all of the media. She calls up one volunteer from the crowd. The host says: “Lets start with some simple maths questions” Blonde: “Sure” The […]
A lawyer is standing in line at the bank, but the line is taking forever. Suddenly, the person behind him starts rubbing his shoulders. “Dude what the hell! Don’t touch me!” The lawyer swats his hands off. “Sorry,” the man behind him says. “Sometimes in lines I get bored. I’m […]
A judge calls opposing council into his chambers . . . . . . and says “Gentlemen, I’ve called you here to discuss a very serious matter. Both of you have given me bribes to influence my decision”. The lawyers begin to squirm in their seats. “Mr. Morgenstern, you have […]
