From the State where drunk driving is considered a sport,
comes a true story from Texas.
Recently a routine police patrol parked outside
a local neighborhood tavern.
Late in the evening the officer noticed a man
leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a
few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys
on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which
he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number
of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on
and off (it was a fine dry night) flicked the blinkers
on, then off, honked the horn and then switched on
the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches,
reversed a little and then remained still for a few more
minutes as some more vehicles left.
At last he pulled out of the parking lot and
started to drive slowly down the road.
The police officer, having patiently waited all
this time, now started up the patrol car, put on
the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over
and carried out a Breathalyzer test.
To his amazement the Breathalyzer indicated
no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said “I’ll have to ask
you to accompany me to the Police station this
Breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”
“I doubt it,” said the man, “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in,
staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the
middle, shouting, “Your mom`s the best s** in town!”
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him,
so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at
the same guy, and says, “I just did your mom, and it was sweee-et!”
Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the
drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.
Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, “Your mom liked it!”
Finally the guy interrupts. “Go home, Dad, your drunk!!
Hahahahaha wot a fucking LAUGH!