A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time. “How wonderful! But I hope you don’t mind me asking what happened to your first husband?” “He ate poisonous mushrooms and died.” “Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?” “He ate poisonous mushrooms, too, […]
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What’s the very […]
A woman visited a Doctor. Woman: Doctor, I have a problem. I am… Doctor: I know your problem. You always dream that you have become a horse, right? Woman: How do you know?! Doctor: Your pony tail hair style.
In a “Mental Hospital” a journalist asks the Doctor: “How do you determine whether to admit a mental patient or not?” Doctor: “Well..we’d fill a bathtub with water & then give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the bathtub.” Journalist: “Oh, […]
A fellow went to the doctor for a physical examination… … The doctor found him fit as a fiddle, with no sign of any ailments… but when the man left the office, he dropped dead right outside the door. The nurse hurried in and told the doctor, “That man you […]
A woman called up St. John’s hospital and asked “I want to know if the patient Sarah James in Room No 1438 is getting better” The nurse replied, “She is doing very well. She had her first solid meal today, her blood pressure is fine and if she continues improving […]
The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, “You have a cute baby.” The smiling husband said, “I bet you say that to all new parents. ” “No,” she replied, “just to those whose babies really are good-looking.” The husband again asked “So what do you say to […]
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.The bartender looks at him and says, “What’ll it be buddy?” The man says, “Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles.” The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, […]
This woman walks into a bar, and she has the hairiest armpits in the history of armpits.She sits down, raises her arm, and says, “Bartender, I would like a drink.” There’s an old drunk sitting next to her.Slurring, he says, “Barkeep, I would like to buy the ballerina a drink.” […]
There was once a man who was in a bar, terribly drunk. The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another beer, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink. The man leaves.He walks in the side door and asks the bartender […]
