“An old couple were laying in bed. The man turns and tells the woman, “If you want to have s**, pull on my dick once. If you don’t want to have s**, pull on my dick one hundred times.”
Three men arrive
Three men arrive in heaven at the same time. St. Peter comes out to greet them. “Sorry about this guys,” says St. Peter. “God didn’t realize just how many people would get into heaven, so we have a new policy. You now have to tell me the story of how […]
Cowboy finishes his drink at a bar
A rough and tough cowboy finishes his drink at a bar and gets up to leave. A minute later, he comes back in saying with a mean look in his eye “I’m going to sit down and have one more drink, and if my horse isn’t back where I left […]
An Irishman walks into a bar in London
An Irishman walks into a bar in London one lunchtime and orders three pints of Guinness. He takes them off to a table and starts drinking them, a sip at a time from each in sequence. It’s unusual but the barman’s busy and doesn’t ask. But the next day the […]
A Guinness brewery worker travels to the home
A Guinness brewery worker travels to the home of his co-worker with bad news. ‘I’m sorry Mary, but Keith died at the brewery today’. ‘Oh my god!’ replied Mary, ‘What happened?!’ ‘He drown in a vat of Guinness Stout’ said the worker, sadly. ‘That’s terrible! Was it a quick death […]
A man and a woman have celebrating anniversary
A man and a woman have just finished celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary and are heading up to bed for some twentieth anniversary maritals. On the way up the stairs the woman glances at the pictures of their children and thinks about how much she loves her life. Once they […]
The wife and I took a long
The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car’s gas tank and tires… She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, “Why in the world do they charge […]
My nagging wife
My nagging wife died suddenly on a trip to Jerusalem. Funeral director, “Sir, it would cost about $45,000 if we send her home back to the states or $500 if we bury her here in Jerusalem.” Me: “Ship her home.” Funeral director: “But sir, why don’t you bury her here […]
Long time girlfriend
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks: “Tim, I’ve been thinking, now that we’re married maybe it’s time you […]
The wife enters the apartment
The wife enters the apartment and is greeted on the threshold by her husband: Oh, my beloved 50 kilograms have arrived. You know very well that I weigh 57 kilograms. Well, yes, but I don’t love everything about you…