A man walks into a bar with an octopus He says “A hundred bucks says my octopus can play any instrument you give it!” One man hands him an acoustic guitar. The octopus fiddles with the strings a bit, then strums out a rendition of Wonderwall. A woman from the […]
There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl.Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until […]
A man met a wonderful woman and became engaged to her.He called his mother to share his good news with her. He arranged to have dinner with his mother that evening so that she could meet his fiancee. When he arrived at her home, he brought along three women – […]
A man went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time. The man took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.“What happened to your feet?” his wife asked. “I had a childhood disease called Tolio.”“Don’t you mean […]
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?” The husband says, “What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?” A few days […]
Two couples are playing cards at the table, and someone accidentally knocks them to the floor. One of the men goes under the table to pick up the cards, and as he looks up he can see up his friend’s wife’s dress and that she isn’t wearing any underwear. Blushing […]
One day three couples in a minivan are heading to Yellowstone National Park on a vacation. One couple is from Nebraska, one is from Kansas, and one is from Iowa. They stop at a little cafe on the side of the road for breakfast. Their waitress serves them their food, […]
A newlywed couple is on their honeymoon cruise, and they’re unpacking their bags. The husband complains that all his clothes are wrinkled and that there’s no ironing board in the cabin. The wife replies: “Don’t worry. Everyone here’s in the same boat.”
Johnny decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So, they loaded up Johnny’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could […]
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. “Is it true,” she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?” “Yes, I’m afraid so,”‘ the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence. The senior lady replied, “I’m wondering, […]
