Three men are waiting at the pearly gates. when one of them asks the other two how they died. “I came home early from work. When I walked in the door I could smell cigar smoke and my wife was half naked. I knew she was cheating and sure enough […]
A young boy says to his father “Dad, our maths teacher is asking to see you.” “What happened?” The father asks. “Well, she asked me, ‘how much is 7 * 9?’ I answered ’63’ , then she asked, ‘and 9 * 7?’ So I asked ‘what’s the fuc difference?’ “Indeed, […]
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says “You can’t bring that dog in here!” The guy, without missing a beat, says “This is my seeing-eye dog.” “Oh man, ” the bartender says, “I’m sorry, […]
There was a little boy on vacation with his parents in the country.They were going to spend 2 weeks in a no frills cabin with an outhouse sitting on the bank of a creek. The little boy hated using the outhouse because it was cold at night and hot during […]
Two young kids were messing around on an overpass……they had tied a brick to a rope and were dangling it down from the bridge in front of cars. Dropping it down in front of the car’s windshield and pulling it up out of the way just before the car would […]
A piece of string walks into a bar…Skip Carey told this one years ago during a rain delay at a Braves game… A piece of string walks into a bar, hops up on a stool, and orders himself a beer. The bartender says “we don’t serve your kind here, fella,” […]
Bob goes to confession and says, “Bless me father for I have sinned. On Friday I went golfing and I used the “F” word.” The priest replies, “Tell me about it, my son”. Bob says, “I was on the first tee, and I shanked a shot wide left”. The priest […]
One day, a man bought a lie detecting robot that would slap anyone who lies. He’s sitting in his living room when his son walks in the front door. The Dad asks, “Where ya been, son?” Son: “I went to watch the new kung fu panda movie.” SLAP! Dad:”Son, the […]
Two rabbis invite a priest to go fishing with them. They get to the middle of the lake and have a wonderful time. Soon Rabbi Isaac decided to switch to lures, but he’s left his box in the truck. He simply gets out of the boat and walks across the […]
A couple good ol boys decide to stop at a saloon on their way through a small town. It’s a crowded dive of a place and the only place to sit was a couple stools next to a spittoon. Bill and Larry were looking forward to some drinks, so they […]