A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. “Is it true,” she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?” “Yes, I’m afraid so,”‘ the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence. The senior lady replied, “I’m wondering, […]
A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had. As the needle jumped up […]
An old man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress, wearing a very short skirt with legs that won’t quit, came to his table and asked if he was ready to order. “What would you like, sir?” He looks at the […]
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. “ […]
A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?” The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.” “You need to take them to the zoo,” […]
A housewife is in bed with her lover. All of a sudden she hears her husband’s car pull up. He came home early from a business trip! In a panic, she is frantically trying to think of a place to hide her lover and suddenly has an idea. She tells […]
A Man And His Wife Go To Their Honeymoon Hotel For Their 25th Anniversary. As The Couple Reflected On That Magical Evening 25 Years Ago, The Wife Asked The Husband, “When You First Saw My Na*** Body In Front Of You, What Was Going Through Your Mind?” The Husband Replied, […]
A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor… A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station. “I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.” “Have you arrested her?” asks the […]
A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They’re immediately taken back to a room. Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some […]
On the first day of our marriage retreat, the instructor talked about the importance of knowing what matters to each other. “For example,” he began, pointing to my husband, David, “do you know your wife’s favorite flower?” David answered, “Pillsbury All Purpose.”
