Two alter boys are fishing on a dock. One of the boys gets a bite and struggles to reel him in. When he finally gets the best of the fish, he snatches him up and proclaims to the other alter boy “Look at this big sum bitch!” The other alter […]
A teenager brings home her new boyfriend to meet her parents. They’re disgusted by his haircut, tattoos & piercings. Later, the girl’s mom says, “Honey, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.” “Oh come on Mom” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 […]
My wife phoned me while away. “How’s the baby?” she asked. “Have you changed her nappy today?” I said, “No, I haven’t changed it all week, in fact.” “What? Why the hell have you not changed our baby’s nappy? It’s been five days!!!” I said, “Because it says 4-6 months […]
A man walks into a bar with a goldfish. “One beer for me and one for my goldfish, please!” he asks the bartender, who serves up the drinks. The man plops the goldfish into one of the pints and it swiftly floats upside down to the top of the glass… […]
One day a man with an elephant walks into a movie theater. “I’m afraid I can’t let your elephant in here, sir,” the manager says. “Oh, I assure you, he’s very well behaved,” the man says. “All right then,” the manager says. “If you’re sure. …” After the movie, the […]
A man walks into a library, approaches the librarian and says, “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.” The librarian says, “Sir, you know you’re in a library, right?” “Sorry,” he whispers. “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”
On a fine valentines night A married woman cheats on her husband of 9 years and is about to get caught by her husband and she prays to God for her not to get caught Miraculously a genie appears and grants her the wish but tells her you will die […]
A hillbilly with a glass eye bought a mule. He lived on top of a mountain and was tired of walking into town. The first time he rode the mule to go to town the mule the mule wouldn’t walk forward. The mule just backed up, so the hillbilly just […]
An ecologist is giving a speech and says, “If we continue on our current course all life on earth will be gone in 50 years.” A man in the audience stands up and hysterically asks, “What?! What did you say?!” He repeats, “If humanity stays on its current course every […]
My wife secretly dressed up in a superhero costume trying to spice things up for us in the bedroom. I arrived home exhausted after a hard day at work. Shuffling into the bedroom I then collapsed face down on the bed moaning. Just at that moment I heard the bedroom […]