Three thieves are caught Three thieves are caught stealing fruits from the king’s garden. The king asks the first thief: “What have you stolen?” “I have stolen 10 grapes, your majesty” “Your punishment is to have grapes shoved up your ass” And so, the guards bent over the thief and […]
Two pilots are sitting in the cockpit while a stewardess enters. She asks if they want coffee or tea, but both pilots ignore her. She then asks “what’s the difference between a cockpit and a con?” The captain looks over his shoulder, not saying anything. She continues: “A cockpit contains […]
Two chemist walk into a bar and, sniggering, the first orders a glass of “H2O”, and the second chemist, just as pretentious but even less original, says he wants a glass of “H2O too”. The bartender, sick of their shit, points out that, as with every other time they’ve been […]
A cowboy stops his horse next to a saloon. He dismounts, enters the saloon and tell the barman: Twenty bottles of whiskey! My horse is thirsty. The barman gives him the order, the cowboy pays, the horse drinks it all. Hey! – tells him the barman. – Ain’t you going […]
A man wanted a complex tattoo.This man wanted a tattoo in the shale of a Phoenix with every single part of it a different shade of red, now obviously most would think this is impossible just like the people in his town. So then he traveled to Italy met some […]
A long time ago there was a fishing village…In this fishing village, they worshipped the sea. They did everything on the ocean–they lived in huts on the beach or over the water, they were always fishing, cultivating, and harvesting from the ocean. They also had this custom where they would […]
A newlywed couple spent their first honeymoon night in an expensive Miami Beach hotel Next morning the groom called room service and ordered a breakfast of bacon and eggs for himself, and a lettuce leaf for his wife. The clerk asked, “Would the lady care for anything else?” The husband […]
As the man made his way to his seat at the World Cup Final, he couldn’t help but feel excited.But as he sat down by the pitch, he noticed the seat next to him was empty. “What a waste,” he thought to himself. “Who would have a seat like this […]
A drug addict stumbles upon a shiny lamp. As soon as he picked it up, … pufff… a Genie appeared from the smokes. “I shall grant you three wishes!”, the genie said. The drug addict, without hesitation: “Let’s do a line of cocaine for both of us” Poof… A line […]
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers.He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.” The room is quiet and […]
