Mother took Willie to his first concert. The conductor was leading the orchestra and directing the soprano soloist as well. Willie was greatly interested. “Mother, why is that man shaking his stick at the lady?” he asked. “Hush; he is not shaking his stick at her.” “Then what is she […]
“What’s the matter with your wife? She looks all broken up.” “She got a terrible shock.” “How was it?” “She was assisting at a rummage sale at the church and she took off her new $2 hat and somebody sold it for 30 cents.”
A high school girl, seated next to a famous astronomer at a dinner party, struck up a conversation with him by asking, “What do you do in life?” He replied, “I study astronomy.” “Dear me,” said the girl. “I finished astronomy last year.”
How did the police catch the naked man breaking into Zales? They grabbed him by the jewels.
The owner asks the clerk, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?” The clerk says, “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative.” The owner replies, “You idiot! […]
A man and a woman were having drinks at a business conference when they got into an argument about who enjoyed s** more. The man said, “Men obviously enjoy s** more than women. Why do you think we’re so obsessed with getting laid?” “That doesn’t prove anything,” the woman countered. […]
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their grandkids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his grandson’s medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The grandson said, “I don’t think you should take one. They’re very strong and very expensive.” “How much?” asked Grandpa. “$10.00 a […]
“A Christian friend of mine said that sex between two men is wrong in their eyes. I said, ‘You’re right, it’s supposed to be up the bum!’”
“My mom told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I […]
In the doctor’s office, the nurse asks the man: “How old are you?” “Almost 84. ” “I wouldn’t give you… “But I wouldn’t even dare ask.”
