A woman got up and out of bed and stretched and a penny fell out of her privates. She thought it was odd but kept on with her morning routine. She went to put on a pot of coffee and a nickel fell out of her privates. She was concerned […]
A pirate walks into a bar with a wooden leg
A pirate walks into a bar with a wooden leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch covering an empty socket. After a couple drinks he’s chatting it up with fellow patrons when one finally asks what has been on everyone’s mind. “You’ve got a lot of scars, […]
A burglar breaks into a house
A burglar breaks into a house. He uses his flashlight to guide himself when he hears a voice:”Jesus is watching!”. The thief continues, shrugging it off. “Jesus is watching” says the voice again. The thief notices the parrot. “Are you Jesus?” asks the robber. “No, I’m Moses”, “What kind of […]
A man walks into a crowded hospital waiting room
An elderly man walks into a crowded hospital waiting room and goes up to the receptionist.“Why do you need to see the doctor?” she asks. “There’s something wrong with my dick,” says the geezer. “Don’t say that out here in front of everybody,” scolds the receptionist. “Up here, say something […]
How many other men have you had in your life
As man on his deathbed talks to his wifeHe says: ‘I have a nagging question I’d love to have an answer to before I go. Will you answer truthfully?’ She says: ‘Anything you want, my love’ He asks: ‘How many other men have you had in your life?’ She answers: […]
A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun
A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have se with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows […]
A husband and wife are moving out of their house
A husband and wife are moving out of their house and are starting to box everything up. The husband finds a box under the bed, pulls it out, and looks inside, where he finds two eggs and about $8,000. He approaches the wife and asks, “What are the eggs for?” […]
A young couple is on their honeymoon
A young couple is on their honeymoon. The husband is sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, “Now how can I tell my wife that I’ve got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I’ve managed to keep it from her while […]
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical-looking parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on the left costs $500 dollars.” “Why does the parrot cost so much?” asks the man. The owner says “Well the parrot knows how […]
The judge dismissed the case
Nasreddin Hodja was once brought before a judge by a man to whom he owed some money. The creditor said to the judge: “This man owes me 500 dinars which are long overdue. I request your excellency to order him to pay me immediately, without further delay.” “I do owe […]