The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, “You have a cute baby.” The smiling husband said, “I bet you say that to all new parents. ” “No,” she replied, “just to those whose babies really are good-looking.” The husband again asked “So what do you say to […]
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.The bartender looks at him and says, “What’ll it be buddy?” The man says, “Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles.” The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, […]
This woman walks into a bar, and she has the hairiest armpits in the history of armpits.She sits down, raises her arm, and says, “Bartender, I would like a drink.” There’s an old drunk sitting next to her.Slurring, he says, “Barkeep, I would like to buy the ballerina a drink.” […]
There was once a man who was in a bar, terribly drunk. The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another beer, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink. The man leaves.He walks in the side door and asks the bartender […]
There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl.Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until […]
Little April was a sleepy girl, always sleeping in class. One day a teacher came up to her and asked her, “Who created the world?” Seeing no response from her, Johnny, her classmate came to the rescue and poked a pin in her bottom. April answered, “God Almighty”. After sometime […]
Mother: Erik, what did you get from your father?Erik: 5 bucks.Mother: What are you going to buy?Erik: A wallet, Mother, to put my money in!o O oWhat flies and says “Moooo!”?A cowmet.o O oHow does a cow come out of the water?Wet.o O oFinn got 2 goldfish for his B-Day. […]
There was a man that worked in a shop but only knew three sentences. The first one was only $2.50 the second one was maybe yes maybe no the third one was if you don’t someone else will. So a man came in to buy some milk and asked how […]
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners.The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. “Ladies, exercise is good for you,” announced the […]
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar.They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all […]
