A man goes to see the doctor about a serious cough…The doctor examines him, runs some tests, and leaves the room. A few minutes later, the doctor returns. “I’ve got some bad news for you,” the doctor says. “You don’t have much longer to live.” “Oh my god,” the man […]
A man comes home after a hard day’s work and opens the refrigerator to get a soda. Inside, he sees a squirrel taking a nap. “What are you doing in my fridge?” the man asks. The squirrel opens one sleepy eye and says, “Isn’t this a Westinghouse?” “Um, yes,” the […]
Two young salmon are swimming along one day. As they do, they are passed by a wiser, older fish coming the other way. The wiser fish greets the two as he passes, saying, “Morning boys, how’s the water?” The other two continue to swim in silence for a little while, […]
A guy said to God, “God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?”God said, “Yes.” The guy said, “God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?” God said, “Yes” The guy said, “God, can I have a penny?” […]
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window. For a second, everything was quiet in the cab. Then the driver […]
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered, “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. A fox jumped on the […]
A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it. After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door. The owner of the restaurant says, “Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter […]
A man goes to the doctor with terrible hemorrhoids. The doctor prescribes him suppositories to take every day then says to come back in a week. The man isn’t entirely sure what a suppository is but at the pharmacy sees they’re pills so he does as instructed, swallowing one every […]
A young man goes to see his doctor… The doctor greets him, noticing the look of concern on his patient’s face. He then asks what brings the young man in today. “Doc, I don’t know what to do. I’m experiencing very strange farts and I’m getting freaked out by it. […]
There once was a man who killed five people with a train. He was caught and sentenced to death by the electric chair. When asked what his last meal was, he asked for a banana. When they flicked the switch, nothing happened. They believed that the man survived by god […]