“One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver. She politely asks him to step out of his car, and he willingly does. She says, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” He replies, “Breasts.”
My grandma died on my tenth birthday. It kind of freaked me out, I mean, I still have birthday parties, I’m just more careful what I wish for now. What’s the difference between 365 blow jobs and a blimp? One is a good year, the other is a blimp. A […]
“A little boy caught his mom and dad having s**. After, he asked, “What were you and daddy doing?” The mom said, “We were baking a cake.” A few days later, the little boy asked his mom, “Were you and daddy baking a cake in the living room?” She said […]
“An old couple were laying in bed. The man turns and tells the woman, “If you want to have s**, pull on my dick once. If you don’t want to have s**, pull on my dick one hundred times.”
Three men arrive in heaven at the same time. St. Peter comes out to greet them. “Sorry about this guys,” says St. Peter. “God didn’t realize just how many people would get into heaven, so we have a new policy. You now have to tell me the story of how […]
A rough and tough cowboy finishes his drink at a bar and gets up to leave. A minute later, he comes back in saying with a mean look in his eye “I’m going to sit down and have one more drink, and if my horse isn’t back where I left […]
An Irishman walks into a bar in London one lunchtime and orders three pints of Guinness. He takes them off to a table and starts drinking them, a sip at a time from each in sequence. It’s unusual but the barman’s busy and doesn’t ask. But the next day the […]
A Guinness brewery worker travels to the home of his co-worker with bad news. ‘I’m sorry Mary, but Keith died at the brewery today’. ‘Oh my god!’ replied Mary, ‘What happened?!’ ‘He drown in a vat of Guinness Stout’ said the worker, sadly. ‘That’s terrible! Was it a quick death […]
A man and a woman have just finished celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary and are heading up to bed for some twentieth anniversary maritals. On the way up the stairs the woman glances at the pictures of their children and thinks about how much she loves her life. Once they […]
The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car’s gas tank and tires… She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, “Why in the world do they charge […]