A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. […]
A turkey was standing in a field chatting to a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. They’re packed with […]
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear no car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, “Halt, who goes there?” The […]
A man returns home early from work one afternoon to find his wife spread out on the bed, puffing and panting. “What are you doing?” the man inquires. “Err,” she stammers back. I… um… I think I’m having a heart attack!” “Oh,” cries the gullible husband, “quick, I’ll call an […]
Dave and his wife were working in their garden one day when Dave looks over at his wife and says, “Your butt is getting really big I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.” With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill and then […]
Dad slapped his son three times. After a while, when the father calmed down, He apologized to his son. Son: Dad! Take a paper, roll it well, Then open the paper back up and see if it can be the same or the same as before Dad said not. Son: […]
A boy was watching politics news on “Tv” at home, and he thought about what politics is The boy asks his father what is this politics. The father says, “Son, I will try to understand you this way: As I am the breadwinner of our family, I call it capitalism. […]
A prisoner has been sentenced to death by the court, and the day of execution has arrived. He looks out of the bars in his cell window and sees that the weather outside is horrendous. I prison guard opens the door to lead the condemned man to the gallows in […]
A woman is sitting at her recently deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies. The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down. “Thanks”, the woman says, “that means […]
A man goes to a doctor. “Doctor, my tummy hurts”The doctor examines him and says, “No problem, we can fix that. But we have to cut off your ears.” “What, why?! I have a tummy ache, why do you want to cut my ears off?!” “I am a surgeon, that’s […]
