As the man made his way to his seat at the World Cup Final, he couldn’t help but feel excited.But as he sat down by the pitch, he noticed the seat next to him was empty. “What a waste,” he thought to himself. “Who would have a seat like this […]
A woman visits her husband in prison… Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: “You shouldn’t make my husband work like that. He’s exhausted!” The officer laughs and says, “Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell all day!” The wife replies: “Bullshit! He just […]
A cop sees a kid on the playground playing with poop and sand He goes up to him and asks, “What are you doing, kid?”. The kid says, “Making a policeman”. The cop loses his mind, gives the kid a beating and sends him home. The next day the cop […]
A drug addict stumbles upon a shiny lamp. As soon as he picked it up, … pufff… a Genie appeared from the smokes. “I shall grant you three wishes!”, the genie said. The drug addict, without hesitation: “Let’s do a line of cocaine for both of us” Poof… A line […]
A man who liked a drink was warned by his long-suffering wife that if he comes home drunk one more time she will leave him. The next evening he is out with his colleagues after work, drinks way too much and is sick all down his jacket. He explains that […]
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers.He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.” The room is quiet and […]
One day a guy was driving down the road and he came to a farmhouse. The man went up and knocked on the door The farmer answered and said, “howdy. Can I help you?” The man replied, “. Yes sir. I noticed you have some Honeysuckle in your backyard.” Farmer […]
There were two hunters in the forest on a very hot day, and suddenly one of them collapsed. His friend started to panic, and dialed 911 to ask for help. They picked up and asked “what seems to be the emergency?” He replied, “my friend’s collapsed and he’s not breathing, […]
Theres a Nun taking a BathAnd she hears a knock at the door. She gets worried so she yells “who is it?” Guy replies “it’s the blind man” Nun says “oh okay, come in” Blind guy says “Nice tits, now where do you want the blinds?” *Heard this today, did […]
A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary. Knowing his wife loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her. When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared. He thanked them and gave each of them one wish. The wife wished […]