On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him: “I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!” The driver agrees: “You’re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don’t know anything about […]
He asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while because they have time to kill and he hasn’t driven a car since becoming the pope. Naturally, he’s a bit rusty, so he’s driving poorly, when suddenly he sees police lights behind […]
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office an d declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!” The hypnotherapist shakes his […]
An elderly couple had been shopping at a grocery store, and the wife decided to steal a can of peaches. The inevitable happened and she was caught. Upon her court date, the judge asked her what she had stolen. “Your Honor, I stole a can of peaches.” The judge replied, […]
A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor… A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station. “I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.” “Have you arrested her?” asks the […]
A man goes to the doctor, concerned about his wife’s hearing. The doctor says, “Stand behind her and say something and tell me how close you are when she hears you.” The man goes home, sees his wife in the kitchen, cutting carrots on the countertop. About 15 feet away […]
Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish. “I want to go home,” says the first friend. The genie grants her wish. “I want to go home, too,” says the second friend. And the […]
A snail goes to buy a car. The salesman is surprised when the snail picks out a fast, expensive sports car. He’s even more surprised when the snail requires that a big red “S” be painted on both sides. “Why would you want such a thing?” asked the salesman. The […]
A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries. “Sounds great,” said the health-conscious boy. He ordered some. He watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container. “Wait a minute,” […]
A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They’re immediately taken back to a room. Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some […]
